Amber, the feminist cat
by ShanByStarlight
Summary: Jane gets a new pet, a gorgeous kitten named Amber! But Amber is not as innocent as she seems. She hates all of male-kind. The men of the Volturi scheme to get rid of the cat, but can they ever rip her from Jane's side?
1. Meow

**Hello. This idea came to me after reading a fic about Emmett adopting a puppy named Tuffy. But I made it about the Volturi, cos I'm one of those wierdos who'd pick the Volturi over the cullens any day. I'm so Team Witch Twins.**

**Don't own Twilight, but the cat in this fic looks just like my cat, Aslan!**

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Jane POV

Sigh. Life in Volterra bores me. I was mooching around the castle, looking for someone to talk to/prank/torture. Heidi was out, gathering food, I hoped. Chelsea, Reneta and Corin were on their yearly trip to Tokyo, due back in a few hours (A.N. I don't know if Corin is male or female,but I made her a girl). I would go talk to (pester) Gianna, but she was on an extended vacation after the whole 'chained up in the dungeon' prank.

I decided to go find Alec. He normally had some okay ideas for fun, but I hadn't seen him since breakfast.

"Alec?" I shoved his bedroom door open without knocking. Nope. Not in here. I slammed the door shut again in frustration, and the hinges snapped like twigs. The door - and some of the wall - went soaring across Alec's bedroom and through his closed window. Oops. My bad. Luckily for me, Alec's window faced the gardens and not the street. I wouldn't know how to explain a flying door to the humans. Or to Aro.

I edged away from Alec's room, listening for anyone who might discover my little accident. I heard distant footsteps coming my way and took off, running like hell down the hall. It wouldn't help if they discovered it was me. Caius kept records of everyone in the guard. (Get a frigging life Caius!) Bad records. Everyone else's was minuscule compared to mine. It was almost as thick as Felix.

Speaking of that big lout, maybe he would know where my brother was. I would always be able to find Felix, because he spent every second of his existence on the new wii. ( Santiago had seen it in a magazine, showed it to all the other males in the guard. They had pooled their money and bought one, as well as about fifty games.) Felix was in love with the thing. I didn't get what the big deal was. It was just a box. But Felix looked on it like it was God.

As I made my way towards the game-room, I could hear cheering and yelling as well as frequent cussing.

ALL the guys were in there with their noses pressed against the screen - well, almost - Felix (big shock there), Demetri, Santiago, Afton...and Alec. Afton and Demetri were duelling virtually, and everyone else was passing around money. Betting, I guessed.

"Hey Alec!" I bounced over to my twin.

"Mmm," he mumbled, his eyes glued to the screen.

"Do you want to do something?"

"Mmm."

"Whattya wanna do?"

"Mmm."

"Do you want to prank call someone?"

"Mmm."

"Do you want to play dares?"

"Mmm."

"Do pink elephants fly?"

"Mmm."

"Argh!" I stormed away and left my brother to his retarded game. Idiot. All men are imbeciles! I'm glad I broke his door! (and his window...and most of his wall)

I flung myself down on my bed and buried my face in my pillow. Now if I could just stay like this until Heidi came home with food...aw who was I kidding? The pillow would never last that long.

"Meow."

My head flew up in surprise. There was a small cat sitting on my windowsill. It was white all over, but with an orange tail and two orange ears. It's eyes were amber and beseeching.

"Aaaw!" I cooed. I sprang from my bed to the windowsill, locking my hands around the cat so it couldn't escape. I carried it back to the bed and dropped it - wait...her - gently onto my blankets. She didn't run like I thought she would. She purred as I stroked her, laying her head in my lap. She was adorable!

I stroked her sleek fur for a long time before a thought flashed up in my mind: She needed a name. I looked at her bright, round eyes before deciding.

"Amber," I beamed. She gave a soft meow in response. Her purrs grew louder. Then I heard my brother's voice calling me.

"Jane!" He bounded through my bedroom door. "Foo-" He cut off mid-word as he stared at Amber. His eyes grew wide and his skin looked even paler, if that's even possible. Amber hissed.

Alec scurried back against my wall as I walked forward with my new pet in my arms. He pointed one shaking finger at her.

"What," he choked. "Is that!"

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**Sorry if Jane seemed ooc, but this is the way I wanted to write her for this fic. Review please!**


	2. the apocalypse

Alec POV

I laughed triumphantly as I took four hundred euros from Santiago. He growled at my happy grin. What? Felix, may be in love with the wii, but he REALLY sucks at it. Only a fool would bet on him. But it's fools like them that make me richer, so who am I to complain?

Afton stepped up to bat. Demetri had destroyed Felix, and earned me four hundred euros! I really hope he wins again.

My eyes were fixed in the screen. Sigh. That wii is the best thing that ever happened to this coven. I was vaguely aware of someone talking to me, but I wasn't really listening. I responded with a few "mmm"s, until they stormed out. Oh well.

Then someone else came in. They tapped their foot impatiently for a minute, and then the screen went black.

I yelped in horror. Demetri and Afton hollered and cussed. Santiago began speaking rapidly in Spanish ( I think it was Spanish - who knows with that guy?). Felix just stared at the blank screen. His face was unreadable.

I turned to face the culprit. It was Heidi, swinging the plug in her hands. "Food," she said sweetly (HA!), and darted out the door before any of us could grab her.

I sighed and jumped to my feet. Demetri, Santiago and Afton sprinted after Heidi to bag the best humans. I was about to join them, and turned to see if Felix was coming. Felix was on his knees with his snow-shovel-sized hands clasped around the T.V. screen in desperation. His expression was heartbroken.

I backed out of the room slowly, then sped to the feeding chambers.

*

My eyes swivelled around the room filled with humans. They were taking pictures, "ooh"ing and "aah"ing at appropriate intervals. Jane was nowhere to be seen.

"Where's Jane?" I asked Chelsea, who was nearest to me. She had just returned from Tokyo a few minutes ago, so she made a shrugging "I dunno" gesture with her shoulders, her eyes locked on three humans peering at some old vase that I almost smashed once.

I dodged through the crowd of snacks at vampire speed - not that it mattered, any witnesses would be dead in just mere moments - towards Aro, who was waiting patiently on the sidelines with Caius and Marcus.

"Do you know where Jane is, Master?"

"I think she's in her room, Alec. Go and fetch her please, we want to feed soon."

So I did.

"Jane!" I called as I burst into her room. I was going to yell "food", but was cut off when I saw the Devil himself staring at me.

Oh. My. God.

Jane rose from her bed, walking towards me with the living apocalypse in her arms. I backed up against the wall. The THING hissed at me.

"What is THAT?!" I wanted to throw myself through the window just to get away from IT, but I was frozen in place.

Jane looked confused. "Amber. My new cat. Wanna hold her?" She thrust the Spawn of Satan into my hands. It spat and hissed and yowled and struggled until I dropped it and leaped onto the other side of the room.

"Wh...Why why d-do you have a-a c-c-cat?" I stuttered. I hate cats. Or maybe cats hate me? Whatever. It reminded me vaguely of the tabby we had when we were human. It LOOKED sweet and innocent, but it was pure evil. One day Jane asked me to feed it, so I did. I walked into our garden to give it the scraps from the table, and out of fricking NOWHERE, it jumped onto my head. I dropped the bowl and snatched it off. It swiped and bit me. Its four claws scraped my cheek, making it bleed. I threw the bowl at the cat, but it just kept coming! I ran to hide in my room from it, and I didn't come out for two days straight. Jane laughed hysterically. It wasn't my fault! I was only six! But Jane found it uproariously funny.

She stroked this new hell-beast tenderly. "She came in through my window, and I wanted to keep her!"

Oh no. Jane is a very stubborn person, and when she wants something, chances are shes going to get it. At any costs. I'll tell you what it'll cost. One brother.

"But...Aro will never let you keep it!"

She frowned. "Aro will let me do anything I want. And it's HER Alec, not it."

Crap. This was true. Jane could murder someone and Aro would just shake his head and smile at her. This was bad.

"Uh...but it's...cute-" ugh "-and stuff. And you hate things like that."

"Usually I would, yes. Normally I would kill them."

"Then kill it! Kill the cat right now! I'll get you a knife-"

Jane put her hand on my arm. And - Oh my God - the Demon leaned in my direction, yowling. I moved away. Slowly.

"Alec. I am not going to kill my cat. Neither are you. And neither is anybody else. Understand?" She said it in that quiet, sinister tone that always creeps me out. Words failed me, so I nodded.

"Good. Now go away, please. I have to get food for my new cat." There was smugness in her tone.

I ran away to warn the rest of the guard of the apocalypse.


	3. Off the deep end

**Okay. First of all, I would just like to say THANK YOU SO FREAKING MUCH to my reviewers. You guys rock. Period.**

**Second, the disclaimer on my first chapter counts for all chapters that I may write in this story.**

**Third, this is my first multi-chap fic, so I hope it continues to go well.**

**Fourth, I'm going back to school very soon *cries hysterically* so I won't be able to update** **as often as I'd like, so bear with me please.**

**Alec POV**

I made it to the feeding chambers in record time. I think I might have been in shock, because I couldn't seem to have the ability to think any more. Damn cat.

Because of this, I forgot to slow down at the door. So now there is an Alec-shaped hole where the rare thousand year old oak wood should have been. Oh well, I couldn't think of that right now. I had bigger problems.

Everyone looked up from their meals in surprise at my dramatic entrance. I guess they had been too impatient to wait for us. This didn't bother me as much as it should have. I tried to function my brain to speak.

"Jane...crazy!"

Demetri broke the shocked silence. "So? What else is new?"

I shook my head desperately. "No!...Jane...cat...EVIL!"

"He's gone off the deep end," someone muttered.

"Took long enough," mumbled someone else.

"...!" I couldn't talk any more. Whenever I tried to say something, it came out in desperate splutters and gasps.

Caius' white eyebrows were raised. His thin lips were pressed in a straight, tight line. Marcus' mouth was open ever so slightly. Wow. I must have REALLY freaked him out with my hysteria attack.

Aro drifted towards me, his expression was confused and worried. I lifted my shaking hand towards him in a last-ditch attempt to get my point across. He clasped my hand in both of his, and I could only imagine the images rushing through his head. On second thought, I'd rather not. Caius and Marcus took his flanks, both eyeing me warily.

Suddenly, I felt a slight breeze of a door being opened and smelled a familiar scent of a spring meadow. And the smell of death and doom.

Jane was standing in the doorway with her hell-cat in her arms.

My hand slithered out of Aro's grasp and my arm flopped limply to my side. I staggered back two steps. Had I been alive, I would have just died.

"What?" Jane asked as everyone stared, her face a mask of pure innocence. IT meowed and Jane petted it's head. There were several wooshes of air, and then the two of them were surrounded by all the women of the coven.

"Aaaw!"

"She's darling!"

"Precious!"

"Can I hold her?"

"Can I feed her?"

"What's her name?"

"She's so cute!"

"Can we keep her?"

All heads turned to Aro at that last question. _No, no ,no_, I pleaded in my head. Aro smiled.

"I see no harm in it."

WHAT?!?! Did he not just read my thoughts??? Did he not see that this cat was EVIL?!?! The girls all cooed and petted the monster. Had the whole world gone INSANE??!!

Jane smiled proudly at her new - gulp - _pet_. The Creature From Below turned it's frightening head in my direction. And, I swear, it smirked triumphantly, baring it's teeth. The next thing I knew, my body came in contact with the soft marble floor. I probably left a dent. (Damned faulty vampire reflexes!)

The gaggle of females crowded out the broken door, squealing and laughing. IT purred and played up to it's doting audience. I felt instantly nausiated (a long lost feeling).

Felix trudged through the mutilated door, staring first at the hole, then at the crowd of cat-fans (that we could all still hear giggling half way across the castle), and finally at me on the floor.

His face was displaying confusion. "What'd I miss?"

**Sorry for the short chapters. Also I know that vampires don't fall down or crash into doors or feel sick, but most vampires aren't afraid of a little mortal cat either ;-) Plus this is fanfiction. Thanks for reading. Review please! Blackest of the Black.**


	4. The Shredder

**Whoa. I am so delighted with all the reviews! Thanks guys and fellow weirdos! I decided to do this chapter in a different POV. This is the chapter where Amber shows her true colours. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!**

**Ahem, moving on.**

**Demetri POV**

Wow. Ever since Alec went loopy during the feeding, he had been hiding in his room. Forty eight hours. Won't even come out to feed. I don't get this cat thing of his. I mean, cats have always kind of creeped me out, but I would _never _hide from one. It's just a little mortal creature! One poke with a pinkie finger and it's dead! Jeez.

I sighed as I tossed my cloak onto my bed. It landed on my mother's comforter, that she gave to me before she died. I smoothed it out and lay it down gently.

That comforter was probably the only thing I would save from a fire. Everyone in the guard has something of sentimental value from their mortal lives. Like lockets or diaries or childhood toys. One of the rules of living here is that we don't touch eachother's possessions. The ramifications of breaking said rule can be disastrous, especially if the possession gets damaged. The owner can think up their own punishment, and however humiliating (Felix) or cruel (Jane) the punishment might be, you have to do it. Or else.

I was stressed. There was someone I had to locate, but he kept moving and disappearing, and he was being VERY difficult. I decided to take Heidi's advice and take a long, hot, relaxing shower before the afternoon meal. It would pass the time, and hopefully de-stress me. I really hate a difficult target.

I stepped under the running water, sighing again. I washed my long dark hair and soaped myself clean. I hopped out of the shower and scrubbed dry using one of the fluffy white towels left in our rooms by the humans that work for us.

I got dressed into my favourite jeans and an old t-shirt. I always wore this simple outfit to unwind. I checked my watch. Another half hour 'till food. Brilliant. (sarcasm)

I turned around to grab one of my few books from my shelf (with a job like mine, one doesn't often have time for luxuries such as reading) and went to sit in my chair.

Then I saw it.

When I turned around again, Jane's cat was sitting on my comforter. It stared up at me with those big, round eyes that reminded me of it's owner. Except for the colour, of course.

It yawned and stretched and snuggled down on the comforter.

Oh _hell_ no.

"Come on, kitty. Get the hell off my comforter." I closed my hands around the cat carefully, as not to squish it. I tried to lift it gently away before flinging it lovingly out the door.

It had other ideas.

It yowled threateningly and dug it's claws into the soft, knitted fabric. I sweetly wrenched the claws out one by one. The cat didn't like this and tried to bite my fingers. It must have been like chewing on rocks, but it didn't stop. Then it twisted round and sank it's claws into my leg.

It didn't hurt at all of course, but this was beginning to annoy me. I had other things to worry about besides a bratty kitten.

I pried the cat from my leg, but the claws stayed stuck. I ended up with a lovely big rip down the entire leg of my jeans. My _favourite _jeans! I threw the cat to the ground.

But it didn't land on the ground.

No.

It landed on the comforter.

The little hell-demon ripped and tore and shredded my comforter until there was nothing left but scraps. I just stood there like a dumbass with my mouth hanging open in shock.

My eye twitched and venom pooled on my tongue as I seized the little insert Demetri's many many many favourite swear words here and proceeded to strangle the life out of it.

I dropped the cat and fell to the floor in agonizing pain. It could have been minutes, hours, days, weeks, years or mere seconds, the pain seemed to last forever.

Then it stopped abruptly. I jumped to my feet. Jane was sitting on my chair with the cat on her lap. She was stroking it's quivering frame, looking at me with a blank, yet somehow sinister expression.

"Demetri," she said quietly. "You attacked my cat."

Damn.

"Um..."

"I'm going to give you ten seconds to explain to me what possible reason you had for attacking my cat."

"Well..."

"Nine. Eight. Seven."

"It..."

"Five. Four. Three. Two-"

"It mutilated my comforter!"

Jane stared at me. Her face was a mask. Then she burst into peals of laughter.

"You...ridiculous!...You...have a..._blankie_?!"

"Not any more," I muttered sourly.

Jane tried to regain herself. Tried.

"And it ripped my jeans. Look!" I gestured to the colossal tear down the leg of my jeans.

"But did that hurt as much as your blankie?" She spluttered.

I growled. "It was a very special blankie - comforter!"

Jane burst out laughing all over again. She walked over to my bed and scooped up the remains of my bla - _comforter._ She wrapped it around the Shredder, and it purred smugly. Jane sighed.

"I'm going to let it slide this time," she said. "On account of your-" she snorted again "-_blankie_. But rest assured, Demetri. If you ever touch Amber again, I'm gonna make your life a living hell."

She sauntered out the door, still snickering.

My legs gave out and I landed on the floor. There was another snort. Alec was sitting on my windowsill, smiling smugly aswell.

"Told ya so."

**Review if you mourn Demetri's blankie!**


	5. Operation GROC

**Two chapters in one day! Woohoo! I wasn't going to post again until tomorrow night, but I got several reviews asking me to update again. I know how irritating it can be to be waiting and waiting and waiting for a new chapter in a story, so I decided to update again.**

**Caius POV**

I walked to my study after feeding. Quite a good selection today. I was still musing this point when I noticed that the door to my study was slightly ajar.

This was not good. I expressly forbade anyone from entering my study without my personal consent. No one in the guard would dare disobey me. That left Marcus and Aro. Aro would not enter my study without my knowing of it. Plus his scent was nowhere around here. Marcus never came into my study before, not once. I didn't see any reason for him to go in now.

This left one other option: intruder.

I probably should have waited for one of the guard to accompany me inside, but anger was fuelling my irrational side, and I pushed the door open the full way.

The shock of what I saw was staggering.

Books, documents, files, everything was ripped and shredded to unrecognisable confetti. The files on the guard were turned into mulch. Jane's file was so large that the remains of it covered the entire floor.

The red velvet curtains that protected my study from the glare of the street had been turned to ribbons. I picked one strand up in my hands, then let it fall to the floor again.(*)

Then something hit me. My secret files.

The files on vampires that had broken the law, vampires that I was keeping an attentive eye on, werewolves, and most importantly, the file on the immortal children.

I rushed towards the door leading to the back room, where my secret files were kept. The door was wide open.

The files, every single last one of them, looked as if they'd had a werewolf-worthy fight with an office shredder. I picked up one remaining half-page - it was the title page for the immortal children, and held it a millimetre from my nose.

I inhaled the scent; paper, ink, my own scent, Aro's, Marcus', Jane's from the report she did after a battle a hundred or so years ago.

And fur. Cat fur.

Oh yes. I knew the culprit. It was Jane's little sidekick. Her little _pet_.

I would bide my time. I would wait patiently for Jane to let her guard down, for her to slip, to leave on a mission. Then her little friend would _mysteriously_ disappear. But not without a little torture.

I would keep my plans to myself. Someone would try to stop me.

Jane would get over it. It is mortal, after all. It wouldn't have lasted very long, even without me after it's blood (no pun intended).

I walked back into my study. My picture of Athenodora and I was smashed on the floor. I picked it up, and saw five, long scrape marks across my own face.

GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...

**Alec POV **(I couldn't resist!)

Now I had Demetri on my side. The massacre of his precious human memory thing had provoked his murderous side.

After feeding, Demetri and I got together to plan the disappearance of Jane's little fiend.

"Jane will never let us live if she finds out we did something to her cat," Demetri whispered. We were squatting in the rat-infested cellar, a place no-one went. Why did we stoop so low? Because it was a safe place to talk without someone eavesdropping and reporting back to Jane for brownie points.

"I know," I whispered back. "We've got to be discreet about this."

"We have to-" Demetri was cut off by a deafening roar at the top of the castle.

"Caius," we said in unison.

"We have to discuss our options," Demetri repeated. He whipped out a pen and a folded up piece of paper from his back pocket. I nodded in approval of his preparations.

We titled the top of the paper : "Operation G.R.O.C. (get rid of cat)

GOAL: to get rid of our new arch nemesis, Amber the cat.

OPTIONS:

1. Post her to the Cullens. (They eat animals, right?)

2. Beg, plead, and grovel until Aro orders Jane to get rid of the cat. ( Last resort. A VERY. LAST. RESORT.)

3. Gather more allies. (This was a slim chance. No one wanted to act against Jane. Smart people.)

4. Wait 'till Jane leaves, then make Amber mysteriously disappear. (Not too fond of this one. Jane was no idiot. She would know that it was us. Well, me anyway. That was not good. I value my life, thanks very much.)"

I was about to scrawl down number five, when I heard a soft but distinct "meow".

Oh. Crap.

Demetri and I stared at eachother, wide-eyed. We turned our heads very slowly in the direction of the Sound of Doom.

Amber was sitting at the foot of the stairs. Her bright, round eyes analysed our every move.

"What do we do?" I croaked. Demetri was shaking.

"W-we are going to get up_ very very very_ slowly. Then we are going to walk-"

"Walk?!"

"Walk. We are going to walk around it. Slowly."

Amber got up suddenly and walked towards us.

"RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!" Demetri screamed.

So we did.

**Lets see if we can get to twenty reviews, shall we? Thank you!**


	6. One of us now

**THANK YOU TO ALL MY REVIEWERS!!! I SHALL NOT SET THE VOLTURI ON YOU!! Sorry it took so long to update. Writers block is right up there on my list of 'Things/people/problems that I need to exterminate', right beside school, and very many teachers. Yes, that is a real list.**

**Reviews make Jane less sadistic. Or more so. Whatever floats your boat.**

**Afton's Pov**

It's been two weeks since Jane got her new toy. It's also been two weeks since Alec and Demetri barricaded themselves in the dungeons with furniture shoved up against every door and window.

Wow. That cat had _really _freaked them out. I'd never been too fond of cats myself, but I opted to just stay well away from it rather than unleash the wrath of Jane. Plus, Chelsea really likes it. And I try my hardest to keep my wife happy, so if that means a little fluffy thing scampering around on all fours (ugh), then so be it.

I heard the babble of many tourists as Heidi returned from her day's fishing. Great! My throat felt like a human swallowing sandpaper as I inhaled the sweet scent of them. Quick as a flash (no exaggeration) I sprinted towards the feeding chambers. I spotted Amber sitting by the entrance to the chambers. She stared at me with those huge yellow eyes and I found it hard to look away.

Damned creepy cat. I was beginning to see why Demetri and Alec were so tormented. It just

stared at me, never blinking, never looking away. I edged around it awkwardly and slipped through the doors (now replaced after Alec killed them. Aro was ticked, to say the least).

I spotted Chelsea talking with Heidi and Corin and decided to greet my beloved wife before dinner.

"They won't budge," I heard Chelsea sigh. I decided to listen in. She was talking with Corin, after all, and Corin always had the best gossip.

"Did you bring them down some humans?" Corin asked Heidi, whose eyes were locked on the tourists huddled in the corner. Everyone else was idly chatting or making sure the humans didn't escape.

"Not yet. Aro wants to see if they can come out on their own first. If they're not out by sundown, I'll bring them a taster. See if I can tempt them out that way."

"What if that doesn't work?"

"Then we'll have to force them out, I guess."

"I don't get why they're acting like madmen over Amber. She's so cute!"

"I know! Jane sent Gianna out for a whole heap of cat things."

"Has she been fed yet?"

"Yeah, Reneta fed her twenty minutes ago."

"Dammit! _I_ wanted to feed her!"

"She's so sweet the way she nibbles at the little cat biscuits!"

They began giggling and having a conversation about the cat, so I decided to go select a few humans for myself before Felix was tempted (dragged. Kicking and screaming) away from the wii and hogged them _all_.

I picked out three mouth-watering humans from the selection. Several of them were now hugging and crying and trying to call loved ones, but the phones kept being snapped out of their hands.

I licked my lips and zeroed in for the kill. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Not yet, Afton. Aro wants to see if the guys will come out before we feed," Santiago sounded just as irritated as I felt.

I sighed. Damn, I was _thirsty._ I decided to put an end to this.

* * *

The dungeons had never frightened me before, until now. It was lit up in a creepy way with those weird torches that hang on the wall. I could hear the sounds of muttering from behind the Pile. The Pile consisted of furniture, metal, wood (the broken doors), and just about anything else. Behind the Pile was a door. Behind the door was Alec and Demetri**.**

I began to dismember the Pile to get through to the Loons, when the Loons themselves began screaming protests at me.

"STOP!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"PUT THOSE BACK!!!!"

"HE DESTROYED THE PILE!!"

"THERE'S NOTHING STOPPING AN ATTACK!"

"WE'RE DOOMED!!"

The yells continued until I banged on the door. "Guys, come out! We're all thirsty!"

"NEVER!!!"

"DO YOU THINK WE'RE IDIOTS?!"

"Don't make me answer that," I muttered.

"OH, YOU MOCK US NOW!"

"BUT MARK OUR WORDS!"

"ONE DAY,MY FRIEND!"

"YOU WILL SEE PAST THE INNOCENT EXTERIOR OF THE DEVIL!"

"YOU WILL SEE THE LIGHT!!!!"

I began to back away. They were freaking me out. Screw thirst! I started running, but their voices followed me.

"YOU WILL SEE! YOU WILL! THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH TIME!!!!"

* * *

If I had ever feared for Alec or Demetri's sanity before (which I had, on both counts), it was nothing compared to what I felt now.

I sighed. Taking away all the damned crap from the Pile had left me with a tear in my jeans. I decided to run upstairs to mine and Chelsea's room to change.

I swung open the door and strode inside. If I wasn't a vampire, I would have tripped over my very expensive converse that I had gotten from Chelsea on our last anniversary. I peered at them suddenly, and my eyes almost popped out of my head.

My very expensive shoes from my wife were in tatters.

I tore my eyes from the ruins and locked them on a different pair of shoes - also destroyed. My jaw slacked as I followed a trail of massacred shoes, all mine. I growled, frustrated.

Who could have done this? And _why_? What could I possibly have done? I was a genuinely quiet guy. I was usually a nonviolent person, despite being a Volturi soldier. I tried to be non-judgemental, to be generous. What possible motive could someone have had to...

I trailed off when I noticed my chest of drawers. Every drawer was ajar.

All of my clothes fit neatly into the chest of drawers, while Chelsea had a whole walk-in wardrobe filled to the brim with designer label clothes.

I raced over to my clothes. Every single garment was ripped and torn into pieces. And nestled up asleep in the middle of the disarray...was Amber.

My rage boiled over.

I said I was _usually_ a nonviolent person. But in the case of all my personal belongings being annihilated by an insignificant mortal mammal, I think an exception is acceptable.

I seized the creature by the throat and went to choke it to death, when I heard a shriek from behind me.

"What are you _doing_?!"

Chelsea rushed towards me and snatched Amber from my grasp. She cradled the cat to her chest and rocked it back and forth.

"It destroyed all my clothes!" I defended myself.

"So your reaction was to kill her?" Chelsea stroked Amber. "You're such a masochist, Afton!"

"Chelsea, _we're vampires. _Killing is in our nature!"

Her eyes widened in anger. "OUT!" She screamed. "OUT NOW!" She grabbed me by my ear - which hurt a LOT, let me tell you - and dragged me to our bedroom door and tossed me out. The door slammed behind me.

* * *

I flopped down between Demetri and Alec, grumbling to myself. We all sat in the same downhearted position - hugging our legs to our chest, with our chins resting on our knees.

Smugness was radiating from the two of them. Alec broke the silence.

"He's one of us now."

**I thought the computer had deleted this chapter, but it didn't! I am so freaking happy!! I need ideas - any ideas. For operation GROC, for example. I'm no going to say R&R, cos you already did the first R, now do the second R, please!**

**xXVampireGothXx**


	7. To Wii or not to Wii

**Me:** ***peeps out from behind shield* No, I'm not dead.**

**Readers: YET!**

**Me: EEP! Leave me alone! I control the Volturi through Aro!**

**Readers: *confused looks***

**Me: I have pictures of him in a leotard!**

**Readers: Le gasp!**

**Volturi: Le gasp!**

**Guard: Le gasp! *fall down laughing***

**Aro: !**

**Me: Oops?**

**ANYWAY! On with the story! BEFORE Aro has me executed.**

**Demetri POV:**

"We have to!"

"Ha ha, NO WE DON'T."

"We can't stay down here forever!"

"Wanna bet?"

The arguing that's bouncing back and forwards from either side of me is making me irritated. Right, I have to try to concentrate on the many bugs that I was tracking. Number one is in the upstairs lounge...number is was in the throne room- oh, wait, someone stepped on him. Cruel! The NEW number two is in the garden...

"Yes."

"No."

"We have to leave some time!"

"Sure, in fifty years, when the cat is DEAD."

"If we have to stay down in this godforsaken basement for fifty years, we'll starve to death! There's nothing to EAT!"

"If you keep complaining about this godforsaken basement, I'll eat YOU!"

...Okay. NAMING TIME! Number one - the soul survivor of a bug-spray massacre - has the new name George. Oh, George just went into Jane's room. No, no George don't! NO GEORGE! YOU LOOK TOO MUCH LIKE CATNIP!

Oh my God, I am loosing my mind. Naming bugs? Really?

"Look! CALM! Can't you just conk Jane out for a bit until we can...get rid of the cat?"

"It didn't work when I tried to give me and Felix a head start after we drew on her with Sharpie markers - it's not gonna work when we try to kill her cat."

"Can't you even TRY-"

OK! SO! Number two is now Steven. Number thr- Aw crap! Steven just fell into Renata's bath. Instant death. What is it with the number two? Anyway, number three (I'm skipping number two) is now Philip. Philip, run. Philip, Philip no! Run! Run from the evil white-haired demon! Run! Goddammit Caius! What is it with you and Bug-Repellent? Great, now Philip is dead. Thanks Caius.

"Aw grow up!"

"Says you! You're the youngest!"

"HA! Not true! JANE'S the youngest!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah well...you're the youngest GUY!"

"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT UP?" I scream. "OH MY GOD! YOU GUYS ARE SO SELF-ABSORBED! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M MOURNING HERE? FIRST THE ORIGINAL NUMBER TWO, THEN STEVEN, THEN PHILIP! CAN'T YOU TWO PAY SOME RESPECT FOR THE DEAD?"

Alec and Afton look quite scared. GOOD!

"Demetri..."

"I'm not FINISHED!" I shriek. "ANOTHER THING..." Suddenly I notice something on my tracking-radar thing.

Alec's mist creeps across the floor. It tickles my feet.

"Demetri, I think you have a severe case of blood-deficiency. Which is why we need to leave immediately," Afton nods, glaring sideways at Alec, who's misty thing is reaching my waist.

"Afton, will you shut up? This is the ONLY place that Lucifer's Furry Child can't reach us. You really want to leave the safety of...we need to come up with a name for this place."

"Meep!" I squeak. I can't get the words out, and the mist has nothing to do with it. Oh my God oh my god oh my god.

"Yeah well we're gonna die either way! It's kind of a lose-lose situation here."

The mist paused at my neck. "How so?"

"Well, we stay, we starve. We leave, we get ripped to bits. But at least we have a chance of eating BEFORE we die."

"Hmm...I get your point..."

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeek!" I meep.

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!

"So COME ON! Let's go, feed, try to destroy The Beast, then die a horrible, painful death. Ok?"

OHMYGODOHMYGODO HMYGODOHMYGODOH MYGOD!

"Well...ok. Let's go then. But if you get us killed then I am going to...well, you'd be dead so my work would be done in advance," Alec is shrugging. The mist stops advancing towards my head and leaves me un-vegetablised. Barely.

"Heh heh heh heh, eep, neep, noooo," I whisper.

"Be prepared to catch the Pile," Alec said, reaching for the door.

"Oh, about the Pile..."

"!"

Alec is swinging the door open. I give up on warnings and start to pray instead.

I can see it. OH MY GAWD.

Alec and Afton glance down. They see it, they see the evil evil EVIL eyes (that have somehow perfected Jane's 'I cannot believe you just ate the human I had dibs on you are so gonna die now' look. Which is SCARY, by the way).

They both scream and Alec slams the door shut.

"YOU NEVER RE-BUILT THE PILE?" He shrieks.

"I was incapacitated by fear! I forgot! DON'T BLAME ME I'M ONLY HUMAN!" Afton screeches.

Alec is staring at him. The door is still trembling from the force of the slam. I STILL can't move, thanks to Alec. The screws are in danger.

"I'm human INSIDE," Afton amends stubbornly.

"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight," Alec says sarcastically.

"A-a-and don't blame me! How was I supposed to know that it was there, outside the door?" They both shudder. I WOULD, but I CAN'T. Wake up Alec!

"Who's the tracker here?" Afton demands. They both whip their heads to glare at me.

"Why didn't you warn us Demetri?" Afton nearly squeals. He's that agonised. It's almost funny. Almost close to nearly. Maybe.

After several attempts at constructing a word that doesn't end in "eeeeeeeeep" I just glare down at the mist swirling up to my neck.

"Oh," Alec looks abashed. "My bad. I forgot."

"Forgot!" Afton scoffs. "I bet you've been plotting our downfall from the very beginning!"

"I'm only human!" Alec quotes, sneering. "And HEY! YOU were the one who wanted to leave!"

They start up another fight, without retracting the mist or noticing that the hinges of the door are sloooooooooooooowly, suspensefully coming apart.

Can anyone spell 'Eep?'

The bitch fight continues. I'm waiting for Afton to whack Alec on the head with his handbag.

Hey, would you _really_ be surprised at this point?

There's an unnoticed '_ping_' as the first hinge dies. I can't even say eep any more. I can hear purring on the other side of the door. Kill me, kill me now! Where's a flamethrower when you need one?

Well, there's a nice distraction. Alec just bitch-slapped Afton full on in the face. I'm awaiting the handbag. Or will it be a purse? Nope, neither. It's a reciprocating bitch slap. Fun.

And the second hinge is slowly falling away. WHY CAN'T THEY PUT AWAY THE CLAWS AND SEE THE COMING DANGER?

Huh, I never thought I'd die like this. Whoa, I'm getting a weird sense of Deja vu.

OHMIGAWD. The first screw on the last remaining hinge just died. Ping, poof! Gone!

I think I'll take my last moments to say goodbye to Jeff and Peter, number six and seven, who never got a mention before. So, farewell, Peter and Je-

You have GOT to be kidding me.

I think I'll start tracking mice instead, or birds. Bugs are too squishable. Stupid Peter. Stupid Felix and his stupid clown shoes. The guy has huge feet!

Suddenly, the huge thick door comes plummeting down to the ground. Whoosh, BOOM! Aaaaaaaaaaaand, goodbye life.

There it is.

Staring at us.

With those big. Round. Eyes.

Scary.

Even the two divas in the corner have stopped their cat fight (no pun intended. Ugh.) and are clinging to eachother in horror.

"Meow."

The answering screams are ear-splitting.

"RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

And they do just that, crashing through the wall and sprinting for their lives, reciting the names of Saints as they go. How sad.

Wait. Hold on.

I'm still incapacitated by Alec's mist.

I can't move.

I'm stuck.

"Meow."

Eep?

**Afton's POV**

Run run run! Saint Peter Saint Paul Saint David Saint Marcus-

"Holy crap! TO MARCUS'S OFFICE!" I yell, in a deep, manly voice. Not a scream. Men don't scream.

"What? Why?" Alec cries.

"He's a Saint! He'll protect us!"

And so we run. But I can't help feeling that we forgot something...

**Demetri's POV**

"!"

**Afton POV**

Marcus's office is locked. LOCKED. Marcus is nowhere to be found.

"Great idea, Afton!" Alec says sarcastically.

"Aw, shuddup you little squirt," I dodge another bitch slap. The guy has been hanging around Caius too much. "OK! We need another base camp."

Whoa! Far-off screams from Felix. I guess Santiago beat him. Wow, Felix knows a lot of languages.

LIGHTBULB MOMENT!

"Should we go to the lounge?" Alec says before I can. I resist the urge to pout and let rip a few bitch slaps of my own.

"No."

"Why not? We need allies."

"Because you never gave me a chance to say it."

**Alec POV**

So, now that Afton's stopped being such a bitch we're running on our way to the lounge. But...I can't shake the feeling that I forgot to do something...

**Demetri POV**

/_X Dead face. Thanks guys.

**Alec POV**

Anyway, I have to stand back because Afton is currently getting stamped on repeatedly by Felix, who doesn't notice the shrieking vampire under his feet, due to his leaping around like an ape. I guess he lost again.

Santiago's sitting on the sofa with his videophone. I think he's gonna show this to Chelsea later for a laugh. I'd very very much like to be there. He's grinning at me and I flop down tiredly on the sofa.

"Congrats on finally coming out of the closet," Santiago pats me on the head.

"It was the cellar, actually. There wasn't enough room in the closet for me and Demetri and Afton all together," I say. Santiago's eyes widen.

"I...see..."

"Uh huh."

"Why are you covered in rubble?"

I look down at myself. Oops. The remains of the cellar wall are kind of all over me. Afton's getting them stomped off of him (heh heh).

"Well, we kind of had to smash our way out of the cellar when the Beast from Hell trapped us."

"How'd Jane's cat get in with all that crap piled in front of the door?"

"Afton - who Carma has caught up with, by the way-" Felix had finally noticed Afton being squished and was offering his big paw to help him up, looking bashful. Afton just slapped his hand away, jumped up and bitch-slapped him. What a hypocrite! "-forgot to recreate the Pile when he joined us. THEN insisted that we leave, giving IT a chance to trap us."

Afton's scowl is hilarious. Especially since that one time Jane and I made that explosion and Afton's beard got all burned up to one weeny little triangle on his chin. He couldn't bear to shave it. Poor guy.

"Hey..." says Felix, looking all around the room. "Wasn't Demetri with you guys?"

Afton and I share a saucer-eyed glance.

Oh.

Holy.

Crap.

We four sprint down to the cellar - machetes in hand - to rescue Demetri. He's lying on the floor, groaning.

"Aw poor Demetri!" Felix yells, scooping the very dirty, paw-printed, scraped-up tracker into a bear hug. "What an evil cat! What a cruel world!"

"Oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh," I realise. That's what I forgot! I left some of my mist paralysing Demetri. Why didn't the cat go paralysed as soon as it stepped in it?

Is my power..._useless_...against it?

Brain. Will. Not. Process.

After Demetri managed to right himself we all decided to go back up to the lounge. Felix even offered to give Demetri first go on the Wii! Wow, what a momentous day.

We all sigh. Afton is trying to get Demetri to go to Aro and kick up a huge fuss about the cat. It might work, except for the fact that Demetri isn't up to kicking a speck of dust.

I shall pat him on the head. Well, I _would, _but I'm scared he'll bite my hand off. He's mean when he's cranky.

We all stumble through the door of the lounge, then all give a simultaneous shriek of terror.

I bless myself.

Afton falls to his knees.

Demetri collapses and lands on Santiago.

Felix points, dumbfounded, at the cat, which is sitting and swishing it's tail right beside the Wii.

We all freeze, not daring to run to it, not risking running away from it either. It's eyes narrow dangerously, and - I swear - the corners of it's mouth twist up into Jane's sadistic grin. But this one is even SCARIER. I can see it's sharp, pointy little teeth!

It stands up on four dainty little paws and saunters across the stand, almost trotting in a "ha-ha-come-near-me-and-there-will-be-hell-to-pay" kind of way.

If there is a place deeper than Hell, then that is where this cat was sired from.

She rubs herself all around our Wii, taunting us. We all edge nearer, an inch, and she glares. Really. Who knew cats had such odd facial expressions? Then with a twitch of her little cat hips, he taps the Wii.

It wobbles precariously. We all gasp theatrically and lean closer. She gives us another warning glare.

"Eep!" Demetri eeps.

Then before any of us can even dare to try attempting another move, she butts it with her little cat skull and the Wii topples over.

Down...

...down...

...down...

...smash.

Game over.

It's broken, it's dead. We all know it. Felix falls to his knees and howls. The Cat-Devil disappears.

We all mother Felix, trying to comfort him. He crawls across the floor and bangs on the Wii like we saw on TV last week, trying to revive it. It falls to pieces.

"LIVE! LIVE!" Felix screams.

"Felix, it's gone, it's gone," Afton breaks it to the trembling vampire.

"Should we...I dunno...cover it?" I suggest. They did that on TV when somebody died.

Santiago nods solemnly. "I think we should."

Demetri takes a piece of his shredded clothing and covers the Wii. We all hang our heads, in mourning. Except for Felix, who leaps up and punches a wall.

"THAT CAT IS GOING TO DIE!" He hollers.

**So yeah, not too proud of that chapter. But anywho.**

**Help a charity, sponsor a tour of Volterra castle. If we can get a hundred tourists, the money from their pockets should be able to help our cause: Wii No. 2**

**OH! And I am shamelessly advertising my other story. Wounded, an Alec and Jane fic, no romance, just family stuff, throw Carlisle in the mix and you've got Afton throwing a shit fit. Seriously. I just realised that I have Afton/Alec rivalry in both my stories. Weird.**

**Ah well.**

**REVIEW! Or face Demetri - /_X How can you say no to that face?**


	8. The Funeral

**Okay, so my ORIGINAL plan was to abandon this and Wounded as I m not really into Twilight anymore (even though the Volturi will always have a place in my heart!) and I had exams to deal with. But then I was going through my emails and found lotsa reviews for this! So I decided to read over the old dear and my only thought was: WTF how in the hell did this piece of shit get 85 reviews? So, because I am immensely flattered, bored out of my mind and am in a ridiculously good mood as I found chocolate that I didn t know we had =D I decided to add to said piece of shit.**

Caius POV

I was up in my newly tidied study, rearranging files and trying to compose a diabolical scheme to rid our company of that beast that I have begun to detest even more than those putrid Children of the Moon, when suddenly I heard sounds of sobbing.

I placed a book (a replacement that I was forced to make. Imagine! Replacing an antique, age-old volume with a paperback version bought for three fifty on Ebay. Disgraceful) grudgingly upon my highest shelf and went to the window to look upon the source of the noise.

Every male in the guard was walking in a sober, straight line. They were all wearing their black uniforms, which we immaculate (as opposed to every other day). Demetri and Afton had their shoulders wedged under a rectangular black-painted box, with the word WII painted sloppily in white on the top. Also on top were several black orchids. Alec, walking behind with his head down, was carrying more. After Alec were Santiago and Felix. Santiago had his arm around Felix, who was the one sobbing.

Demetri and Afton lowered the box onto a stand, and blessed themselves. Afton took a seat in one of the fifty five chairs that were lain out on our lawn, and somehow all filled?

Fifty of the seats were occupied by games, all of which donned black bows. I blinked repeatedly, positive I was imagining things. These...imbecils could not be that of our intelligent, hardworking, devoted guard?

Hardly!

And yet it was them. How could this be? When we Changed them they were of finest quality! Look at them now! Good God, Felix was snivelling and mewling like a human infant, and did it ever occur to any of them to give him a sharp slap and set him straight? Of course not!

I growled to myself at their stupidity. Then Demetri gestured for everyone to take their seats, which they each did, obediently. Demetri stood, very tall and still.

Gentlemen, he began, suppressing a sob. We have gathered here today to celebrate and mourn the life of our beloved Wii. Her life was cut short-

Death to the cat! Felix howled.

Demetri glanced at him sadly. And even though she was only with us a short while, Demetri had to pause to compose himself. I rolled my eyes. She touched each of our lives. Some more than others- he cast a sympathetic eye at Felix, who whimpered pathetically. This entire display was disgraceful! But each in her own special way! Demetri declared passionately. Afton bowed his head in sadness. Alec sniffed.

I decided to spare myself the agony of watching this display of utter ridiculousness and decided to put more thought into my ever-developing plot...

Alec POV

Oh God, this is torture! I hate funerals! I hate having to wear my best clothes, being yelled at to comb my unruly hair, having to sit still and quiet without fidgeting. But most of all, I hate mourning. It just plain-out sucks. When a vampire is killed, the whole guard stands respectfully and takes the time to, privately or publicly, bawl their eyes out. Figuratively, anyway.

But everyone (even Jane and Caius) always shows remorse and respect. But do you know what responses we got when we requested the females to attend the funeral of our beloved Wii?

Are you on drugs or something? Um, no...

I would, but I don t want to cut into my standing around time. Can t you stand around outside?

Give up the booze, Alec. You can t afford to lose any more braincells. Oh yeah? Well...well...well...shut up Heidi!

Where the fuck, in the unholy shitpit of your mind, did you ever think up such a retarded idea? Um...the back?

Brother, kindly go fuck yourself. And while you re at it feed my cat.

Don t I have SUCH a lovely sister? Such insensitivity! I didn t even bother to reply, I just scurried away before she could hurl the can opener at my head.

The funeral ended quickly. There s a term used in books - pathetic empathy or something - where the weather identifies with the mood. So guess what happened?

The heavens opened and we were caught in a complete downpour. Not fun. It happened so quickly that we had like zero time to react. The next few minutes consisted of hysterical running around, trying to scoop up the games without dropping them in the fresh, new mud while simultainiously folding up the chairs and trying to cart them all inside without tripping over our own feet and making the fatal faux-pas of getting not only yourself covered in mud, but any unfortunate soul nearby, aswell as the poor fool you knocked over in a domino effect. Many glares were thrown at me by Demetri (since recovered from the almost fatal attack), Santiago and Afton, who was also sprawling in the mud.  
Instead of helping, the huge ape commonly known as Felix stood there wailing, holding the only umbrella we had over his own head.

We were all filthy and so thoroughly drenched that we stopped racing around like fools and managed to gather up all the games that littered the ground and fold the chairs up. We forgot about Felix and managed to transport our cargo inside without much incident.

We all lay in the halls, breathing heavily (mostly for dramatic effect) and only picked ourselves up when Corin and Renata came scuttling down the hall, giggling together. The giggles increased to howling laughter when they saw the state of us.

What happened to you guys? Corin shrieked, doubled over laughing, her long white-blonde hair swishing in her face.

We stood there, shamefaced. Afton and I were coated in mud and probably looked like the biggest fools in the world. Demetri and Santiago wern t much better, soggy and dripping and looking very much like drowned rats.

The girls screaming laughs attracted attention. Heidi came sauntering along, humming under her breath. She skidded in her high heels (which I never, EVER tried on. Ever) on the ocean that was previously the expensive polished tiles.

She tried to muffle laughter, snorting with the effort. What in the world happened to you lot? She spluttered.

Demetri looked appalled. He always made fun of me for my youth and my hormones, so I have and would never ever pass up a rare oppertunity to get him back.  
I came up behind him with a grin on my face and threw my arms around him happily, covering him in sticky mud. He pulled a face.

We were just trying something new, I smiled dreamily, leaning my head on his shoulder and nuzzling him lovingly (getting him even more muddy). Previously appalled, now he was outraged. I kept going.

Yeah, but he would just not shut up about getting you involved. Kept going on about naked mud wrestling.

Corin and Renata had to hold onto eachother to stop themselves from collapsing to the floor. Demetri shoved me violently off him and into Santiago, and we toppled to the floor. Luckily, he broke my fall. Unluckily, I broke him.

Heidi looked so embarrassed and horrified that I started howling with laughter. Afton and even Santiago were in similar hysterics. Demetri looked like he wanted to die. Heidi looked like she wanted to kill him. They really are a match made in heaven!

Just when I thought I was doomed to stay rolling around on the floor in hysterics forever, along came Chelsea.

She gave Afton the cold shoulder but looked down at me, one perfectly plucked eyebrow raised expressively. Alec, I think you misinterprited the term mud bath.

Before further laughter could ensue, there was a high pitched, girlish scream, followed by hysterical sobbing.

We all slipped across the floor and bolted out the door to find the sourse of the noise.

It was Felix, clutching himself and rocking back and forth on the ground, pointing with one shaking finger at the black funeral box.

I took one look and shrieked. I mean screamed. I mean yelled. I mean said nothing.

Demetri clutched at his unbeating heart through his chest and gasped. Santiago fell to his knees and gave a long, mournful wail. Afton sheilded his eyes, whimpering.

The box was completely sodden and soggy. It was falling to pieces like the castle I tried to build out of sponges (don t ask). It was horrible! And the worst part, the part that had Felix turned into a whimpering mass of horror on the ground was the fact that the dead Wii was completely on display, all the wires and buttons and white plastic all open and vulnerable.

There was a small sneeze from behind us that sounded like a snicker. I whipped around.

Oooohhhhh of course.

We very manly men all scrambled back into the safetly of the castle, dragging Felix and screaming as we went. The females picked up the Unholy Monster, which was huddled under a forgotten chair away from the rain, and followed us inside.

We didn t stop running until we made it to the Main Hall, all sopping wet and making a lot of noise. Even the girls were dripping now.

I very almost crashed straight into Aro, who was standing there with Jane. The cat hopped down from Heidi s arms and trotted across the floor, tail in the air, to Jane.

What happened next could have been viewed as funny from the point of view of someone who was just watching. Like Marcus sitting in his throne.

Santiago, in his desperation to get away from the cat, gave an almighty leap and crashed down on top of Renata, who grabbed onto Afton, who knocked into Chelsea, who fell against Jane, who sent Aro crashing into me, who collapsed against Demetri, who tripped over Heidi, who landed on Corin. In the end it was just a huge dogpile of groaning, cursing, vegeance-swearing vampires.

Amber had somehow ended up in the tangle. It was like twister, trying to fight your way out of a death trap against other squirming, yelling vampires. We were all very slippery, so it was just a very pointless scramble-fest. In our panic, no one noticed the cat escape unscathed.

Eventually Aro shouted that enough was enough, and we all fell still and silent. Aro rarely loses his temper enough to shout at us, but when he does, you know you ve gotta shut up.

Aro calmed and rose to his feet. Afton had somehow ended up with his head on Aro s knees, so when Aro suddenly got up Afton s head smacked against the tiles. I snickered.

Go and bathe, all of you, Aro ordered, brushing himself down. We all did as we were told, untangling ourselves from one another and leaving quickly, not wanting to test his patience any more. Jane complained bitterly because she hadn t been the slightest bit dirty before Santiago had set the ball rolling. Poor guy found himself on the receiving end of one of her burning glares, and, well, at that point none of us gave a shit enough to stop it.

Back in the hall, the cat hopped up onto Marcus s lap, purring. He stroked her fur carefully.

What an extraordinary event, he murmured.

And until dinnertime it occured to no one that we had left Felix mewling on the doorstep.

**And voila! I think people have long forgotten about this fanfic, so if I get over five reviews I shall be thrilled. Also, I have a lot of time on my hands now so be prepared for some very pointless chapters.**


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